The Little Old Lady Syndrome

Well I didn’t blog last week but I will try to catch up here. Last week was a grueling driving week. Over 1400 miles in 4 days (could be the reason for no ambition to write). But last week held something I have never seen before. It seems to be the little old lady theme going on right now. Like I said 1400 miles and the most interesting (and hilarious) thing to happen was being flipped off by a really old lady. I mean like on oxygen and rigamortis setting in. No literally. It pained her greatly to raise that arm and manipulate that bird. When someone flips me off I have this second where I get really pissed and then control takes over. Not in this case, I bust out laughing immediately. I am not really sure why I got flipped off. We were driving down I-40 in Arkansas and I was behind a slow U-haul so I looked and there was only 6 car lengths separating them from me so I went for it. Well grandpa comes up on me (I am doing 75 mph) and when I got back over grandpa moves his Cadillac and that is when grandma painfully (and slowly) gave me the bird. Grandpa was leaned forward just a cussing and trying to see past the hood doing about 85. For what it is worth the laugh lasted for a couple of days, All the way to San Antonio.
This week has been 2 jobs in the LA area of California (not my favorite place) but this time I met some normal people. Except on the airplane, Little old lady number 2. When I got to my row (and I actually had a window seat) there is this crumpled up old lady sitting in my seat. Being the chivalry person I am, I didn’t ask her to move I just sat in the middle. Well this Little Old Lady (LOL) thought the foot space also included the center seat space. I didn’t see this and sat my computer bag (heavy) on her feet. She yelped and gave me a dirty look. I apologized and tucked my bag under the seat. Well I forgot to get my book out so when I pulled it out I hit her foot again (on my damn side). She startled and gave me another dirty look. At this time I am about to tell her “Look Bitch you took my seat and you keep putting your feet in my space so quit complaining”. But instead I bit my tongue. Now about halfway thru the trip (luckily a short one) I started to smell something. I am still not sure if she had gastro problems or was just slowly decomposing. Before we landed she started talking to me (I guess she wasn’t mad at me anymore). She was from Johanisburg South Africa. While we were talking she said she never met a Texan so she asked do I have a ranch. I told her a little bitty one. She said are you going to have cows, I said yes. She proceded to tell me that you have to have a bull if you raise cows because you won’t get any calves otherwise. No shit! Here I am going to California being told the cow “birds and bees” by a decomposing old lady from South Africa. I am thinking this is going to be a rough week. I landed at the Airport and as soon as I got my rental car and found a radio station that wasn’t Rap or Spanish, they came on with a traffic report (Very Important in LA). The said that a dead body was on ??? highway and it was shut down for the criminal investigation. Now was my first thought, oh cool or oh man or how gross…..No my first thought was “Shit what highway was that on because I really don’t want a delay”. Now that tells me I have been going to CA too often. I did get to experience the LA rush hour traffic (twice) and while it is bad I still think DFW traffic is worse. I finished early and couldn’t get a flight back so Thursday was just a day off. I decided to go to Laguna Beach and travel up thru Emerald Bay to Newport Beach. That is like 25 miles along the water and I didn’t see 1 damn bait shop. Now if you want to eat Asian food or get your nails done you can get hooked up. Until next time.

Dallas and California

Well this week was a day (monday) in South Dallas, uneventful but I have been to this customer 3 times now so.... Tuesday it was a flight to Ontario California. I am not a big fan of California but I do have to say that I love driving the highways in LA area. It is like playing a video game but realistic. I have been on Hwy 10 in LA doing 75 mph and being passed by everyone, of course. I am the slowest vehicle. But when I got passed while I was doing said 75 by a moped.....yes a moped, doing 80 plus, I was blown away. So now I go with the flow. I love driving the LA highways, it is such a rush. It is much better than the 5 mph traffic in DFW during rush hours. Now I am not being racist just realistic. The LA area consist of 75% Asian and 25% Hispanic drivers. In the work places it is 75% Hispanic and 25% Asian. During this visit they were all hispanic in the area I was working. I was waiting on the customer for something and there were 2 hispanic males on break. They were speaking mixed english and spanish. I started to notice that they would look at me then switch to spanish, thinking I don't know spanish. Well I don't know spanish so I thought I would have some fun. I would wait until one of the guys would laugh and then I would grin or laugh as if I had understood. It worked, they quit changing to spanish. I just used body language to trick them. Nexty week is Arkansas then San Antonio

Oklahoma and Texas Again

This last week was a repeat of 2 weeks ago but I met some interesting people. The first guy was the maintenance guy at the customer's building. I get there to install a machine that requires an Air Supply. I had asked if Air was already run to the room, answer is......sure. Well I get there and yes there is air supplied to the room and that is all. The pipe comes in and has a shut-off and that is it. Nothing to hook the equipment to. So here comes "Gary" (name changed to protect the innocent). Gary is the plant maintenance guy. To make a long story short, Gary took 2 hrs. to put a connection on the end of the line. First he measured what was needed and then left. for 30 minutes. Unscrews a bracket and then leaves for another 30 minutes. Comes back and reinstalls the bracket closer to the machine and then leaves. At this time I have started a game of Sudako on the computer I am so bored. When he returns he starts to finish. I thought for a minute to ask him if he was a member of the union but decided not to. So now that he has all his stuff he begins to strike up a conversation with me and it was a very interesting and entertaining. I know all about his Brother-in-law's dog named "6th grader". I kind of like that name for a dog. Then he starts telling me about the best deer scents to use. Man the time flew and 2 hrs. later he is done and I can get started.

The next morning I had to ship some equipment back to Chicago so I stop by Fedex. I walk in with the equipment in a box that is tattering and they say oh you have to get a new box. Well first this is a sales gimmick. The box I have, even though it is tattered is like a 1/4 in thick. The replacement box is much more flimsy but hey it looks pretty. But instead of arguing I say sure. Fold a box and stuff some foam what 5 minutes. I had the paperwork filled out and it still took 45 minutes. So the lesson learned if you go to Houston is don't be in a hurry because it runs at a different pace. The only place slower I have found in my travels is Atlanta GA. Til next week.

Week in Texas

Well last week was kind of boring. Three trips to Wylie Tx and then nothing else. I am sure glad that is not my commute every day. I wouldn't last a month. Anywhere from a 2.25hr to a 3.45hr trip, one way. It was a good learning experience though. I found out what some of my trainers taught me about the equipment wasn't exactly correct. And I got to find out the hard way. But that is usually how I learn things. Since I didn't have a long week, I got things done around the farm. We now have Channel Catfish in the tank. Yes believe it or not we have water in the tank. That would be because of the 4 weeks of constant rain we experienced. But hey by spring we may be having a fish fry. Whowho. Also built a custom gate for the front pasture. When I put the fence post in, I had planned to have a small gate to walk through or drive a riding mower through. What I didn't think about is there are no commercial gates that size. So I just built one. Next week is a repeat of last week. Oklahoma then Houston.

North and South

One week on the west coast the next on the east coast so where would the next week be......Central, north and then south of course. Spent monday in OKC and then tuesday I sent my computer to Chicago for some super secret software. So hey they can't send me anywhere if I don't have a computer. Wrong, just use your Flash Drive. So on Wed I headed to Houston TX to use my super secret disk (for the first time ever). Wow I find out you need a PIN number to use it. Hey they never gave me a PIN number. Long story, short version, I have to establish a pin on the first use. Wow if they just would have mentioned that in the instructions it would have been so easy. Wouldn't have had to have a conference call (after hours) with 4 people. But hey it wouldn't have been the adventure that it was. It might have taken only 30 min instead of the hour it took. But it is good to have my computer back even if I do have another password to put in just to use it. This next week looks fairly slow.... well so far

Getting Directions on the Road

Well this week I was feeling like a pinball. One week in Northern California and the next in South Carolina. Oh and next week is Oklahoma City. But this is a rare occasion of extremes. South Carolina….Oh a beautiful place with the tall trees, rolling hills and Blue highway patrol lights that can probably be seen from the Space Shuttle. First what is the Shade of blue they use. The human eye is very sensitive to that color because I don’t live there and the instant you see them lights panic sets in. Well that and the 4 billion candle watts of brightness. Luckily I didn’t see them directly in my rear view mirror while I was there. I did have my BBQ while I was there and yes it was as good as I remembered. It was a nightmare trying to find it though. When I checked into the hotel I asked the attendant where the best BBQ was. She told me Antleys and she would print me off directions. I took the directions and left. When I got back in the car I read the instructions. Quote “Exit the hotel parking lot, go straight through 3 red lights (including the one at the hotel) and just past the 3rd light it is behind the Bank of America.” Sound easy. My first problem was exiting the hotel parking lot. It is on the corner of an intersection. So which exit? I had a 50/50 chance and jumped on it. 1 light, 2 lights, 3 lights (I am now in nowhere land), 4th light, 5th light and nothing. I even checked my DumDum (TomTom) for restaurants which will give me the 20 closest, Nothing. I turned around thinking that my 50/50 was wrong. I got tired of looking so I ate at Red Robins. That night I looked it up on the internet and wrote down the address. After work I was starved, no breakfast and no lunch. I throw the address into DumDum and found the place. Here is what the directions should have said (Not even close). Exit the front of the Hotel and proceed through “7” red lights and turn right at the 7th one. Proceed 1.1 miles then turn left. Proceed 300 yards and turn right. Your destination is 100 yards on the right. Getting directions in a new area is a hilarious situation. No wonder men refuse to stop for directions. I was once in TN and I arrived to the customers at lunchtime so I had an hour to kill before I could get in. I was in dire need of a haircut so I stopped at a convenience store (in the middle of nowhere land) for directions. They said yes there is several downtown. I asked where the town was they were talking about. They said “oh I am sorry you mentioned you were from out of state. Just go to the square and go straight at the first light and there is one on the right.” COOL, now where is the damn square people, just point and I will find it. Enough ranting, at least I have DumDum now.

Without Meds

This week started early on Monday (as my wife puts it "before the crack of fucking dawn"). I left so early that I forgot to throw my shaving kit in the suitcase which also means my Meds, Consisting of Antidepressant, Cholesterol and sleeping pills. I survived but what some dreams. The first was Jet Skiing down a log chocked river NUDE. The second night was much tamer, trying to harpoon whales in my pontoon boat in a lake. I traveled from Dallas TX to San Jose CA just to find out the equipment had not been delivered yet. But that is ok because the rental car place didn't have any compact cars available so they were Forced to give me a mustang convertable. I don't really care much for California but I do like the Stockton/Sacramento area. Somehow CA is very good at hiding places like a decent restaurant or gas station, you know the ESSENTIALS. I spent 45 min today trying to find a gas station and I had a GPS unit! Anyway the people in this area of CA are friendlier that other areas. I met a guy last night that was born in Hawaii and has lived in North CA since. He was a Charactor and talkative. Come to find out the poor guy lost his wife to a sudden unexplained death a month ago and he couldn't get himself to go home. Then walks in a guy from Augusta GA who builds commercial Chicken Coops. Now there were some stories. Next week is the East Coast, SC. Can anyone say Pulled Pork Barbecue.