The Little Old Lady Syndrome

Well I didn’t blog last week but I will try to catch up here. Last week was a grueling driving week. Over 1400 miles in 4 days (could be the reason for no ambition to write). But last week held something I have never seen before. It seems to be the little old lady theme going on right now. Like I said 1400 miles and the most interesting (and hilarious) thing to happen was being flipped off by a really old lady. I mean like on oxygen and rigamortis setting in. No literally. It pained her greatly to raise that arm and manipulate that bird. When someone flips me off I have this second where I get really pissed and then control takes over. Not in this case, I bust out laughing immediately. I am not really sure why I got flipped off. We were driving down I-40 in Arkansas and I was behind a slow U-haul so I looked and there was only 6 car lengths separating them from me so I went for it. Well grandpa comes up on me (I am doing 75 mph) and when I got back over grandpa moves his Cadillac and that is when grandma painfully (and slowly) gave me the bird. Grandpa was leaned forward just a cussing and trying to see past the hood doing about 85. For what it is worth the laugh lasted for a couple of days, All the way to San Antonio.
This week has been 2 jobs in the LA area of California (not my favorite place) but this time I met some normal people. Except on the airplane, Little old lady number 2. When I got to my row (and I actually had a window seat) there is this crumpled up old lady sitting in my seat. Being the chivalry person I am, I didn’t ask her to move I just sat in the middle. Well this Little Old Lady (LOL) thought the foot space also included the center seat space. I didn’t see this and sat my computer bag (heavy) on her feet. She yelped and gave me a dirty look. I apologized and tucked my bag under the seat. Well I forgot to get my book out so when I pulled it out I hit her foot again (on my damn side). She startled and gave me another dirty look. At this time I am about to tell her “Look Bitch you took my seat and you keep putting your feet in my space so quit complaining”. But instead I bit my tongue. Now about halfway thru the trip (luckily a short one) I started to smell something. I am still not sure if she had gastro problems or was just slowly decomposing. Before we landed she started talking to me (I guess she wasn’t mad at me anymore). She was from Johanisburg South Africa. While we were talking she said she never met a Texan so she asked do I have a ranch. I told her a little bitty one. She said are you going to have cows, I said yes. She proceded to tell me that you have to have a bull if you raise cows because you won’t get any calves otherwise. No shit! Here I am going to California being told the cow “birds and bees” by a decomposing old lady from South Africa. I am thinking this is going to be a rough week. I landed at the Airport and as soon as I got my rental car and found a radio station that wasn’t Rap or Spanish, they came on with a traffic report (Very Important in LA). The said that a dead body was on ??? highway and it was shut down for the criminal investigation. Now was my first thought, oh cool or oh man or how gross…..No my first thought was “Shit what highway was that on because I really don’t want a delay”. Now that tells me I have been going to CA too often. I did get to experience the LA rush hour traffic (twice) and while it is bad I still think DFW traffic is worse. I finished early and couldn’t get a flight back so Thursday was just a day off. I decided to go to Laguna Beach and travel up thru Emerald Bay to Newport Beach. That is like 25 miles along the water and I didn’t see 1 damn bait shop. Now if you want to eat Asian food or get your nails done you can get hooked up. Until next time.